Kaksak HR

I went to HR to raise the following key issues with respect to my work environment and fellow workers. In Australia these are key HR issues we should all be concerned about:

  • Not having a support for my wrist, when using the computer mouse. I requested a $160 gel desktop wrist support to avoid injury immediately.
  • A lighter laptop, as carrying my 1,7kg laptop is just too heavy, so needed a 1,5kg laptop. Happy to carry a heavy bag on my back but only at training which is my time. Also my laptop was already 6 months old. Unacceptable.
  • No ergonomic set up of my screen, chair, desk and keyword at work, a disgrace!
  • Having to pay for my own cab home after attending free work dinner and drinks on a night I would have gone out on anyway. Outrageous.
  • Denying my expense claim for coffees because I was in Melbourne and not Sydney. I drink coffee in Sydney, but FFS had to go to Melbourne for work!
  • Not getting a raise and promotion every 6 months. I am awesome!

The struggle is real so I took these to Kaksak HR. This was the response:

Who gives a rats ass


I deserve better. Working for South African companies suck!



You need a plan to live in Australia

After reading John Raath’s post called “You need a plan to live in South Africa” we at the Kaksak thought about what sort of plan you may need to live in Australia, if you were a South African.

We think John has missed out all the countries that are in fact not worse than South Africa and in fact had only considered the countries worse than South Africa as movable options.

Secondly he mentions the things that are special like mountains and wine and people and as such insinuates that there are no other beautiful countries in the world.

John, we at the Kaksak think you need to get out more.

Having said that, we do love the motherland, Biltong and ofcourse the Springboks and watch in sadness at some of the issues consuming South Africa at this time.

So back to Aussie. If you are a South African immigrant, here are the things you need to plan for in Australia:

  1. There are better places to live than Australia, but not many. So make your plan to get a job, permanent residency and then ultimately to become a citizen.
  2. Start enjoying water in the morning, coffee costs $5, yes that is R50 a cup.
  3. Find a Government department you haven’t been getting freebies from, and jump on the bandwagon.
  4. The resources boom is over, only property continues to go up. If you don’t own property, buy some. Be the best investment you ever make.
  5. Keep your savings in Australia, they tax the shit out of you otherwise. Actually they tax the shit out of you anyway.
  6. Make a plan to deal with the fact that your children will support the Wallabies and speak with Australian accents when they grow up and refuse to be seen with you when you wear your springbok rugby jersey
  7. Whinge, because it is un Australian not too.
  8. Make sure you buy beer and lots of it. There is no greater crime than running out of beer especially in summer. Warm beer is just as ugly.
  9. Biltong will cost $60 per kilo. Deal with it!
  10. Have a big heart, share your beer, not your biltong.
  11. If none of this resonates, consider moving to Tasmania.

You can read the original article “You need a plan to live in South Africa” here.

 And aside from that, enjoy the wonderful people, countryside, snow, mountains, Great Barrier reef and all the other wonderful things Australia has to offer you and your family.


Now we have seen eveything

So, we have seen NSW beat Queensland in Origin, we have seen Spain been beaten twice and we have Julian Assange asking the US to drop the investigation into Wiki leaks.

What we havent seen until today is a happy person doing search marketing. Yes friends, something we thought we would never see and it has happened. How on earth, we have no idea. Neverthess there is a happiest man in search. Good luck brother. May the force be with you. Maybe its the water in Melbourne who knows, but happy days indeed.

Now get me another beer! Lets watch some football. How do I find the scores again. Hangon, let me search!!! And that my friends is why we have a happiest man in Search.


Politically Correct Christmas Greeting

Merry Christmas with Limited Liability, yes folks thanks to all you lawyers this is where it has gotten to, the Kaksak hopes you are proud of yourselves. So here goes, it is the 1st of December so Merry Christmas* from all of us here at the Kaksak!

* The Kaksak hereby wishes you a no obligation whether implied or implicit, environmentally conscious and sustainable, socially responsible, non racial, gender neutral, non denominational celebration of the summer solstice holiday and should you practice any traditions or religious practices at this time, without prejudice to these traditional or religious traditions or those who not not celebrate these traditions, that these may be in line with your expectations and those of the community.

By accepting this message you agree to the following:

  1. The Kaksak recognises, acknowledges and respects the former owners of this browser impression being Google, but stuff them, we have you now!
  2. This message is subject to clarification and may be updated from time to time, the responsibility of checking back for changes lies with you, the user.
  3. This message in no way encourages the consumption or use alcohol at any time and the Kaksak supports the responsible consumption of alcohol, especially if you are celebrating with your in-laws or on your own. If you are going to consume alcohol, this  should be done responsibly and in moderation, and not before or while operating a motor vehicle, heavy equipment or trying to have sex, especially with yourself.
  4. This message does not encourage the consumption or over consumption of food, especially those that may be harmful to your health. You should consult a medical professional before consuming any foods outside of your regular diet. If you are a fat ass we cannot help that either. Eat less, shit more or burst!
  5. If as a result of reading this message you are encouraged to put up your Christmas Tree, the Kaksak accepts no related, ongoing liability related to the erection of the tree and associated decoration, no matter how bad they may be. Don’t be a tight ass, go buy new ones!
  6. This message may be revoked at any time by the Kaksak at his/ her sole discretion. Yea baby, thats how it works when you have a blog.
  7. Any similarity of this message to any other messages at this time of the year is coincidental and unintentional.
  8. The above message is the intellectual property of the Kaksak and may not be copied, used or shared under any circumstances in any way, shape or form without he express permission of the Kaksak in writing. (Just kidding)
  9. The Kaksak warrants that this message is good for a period of 30 days, but does not imply the reader will feel any better or worse, or that any benefit will be received from reading this message in the first place, at all, ever or at any time in the future.
  10. There is no implicit or implied commercial benefit in reading this message. You have just wasted 30 second of your life. Accept it and move on!
  11. The Kaksak may make a really small amount of money from an ad impression related to this post, not expected to be more than 5c, and the user accepts that while this message is non commercial, commercial outcomes in a small percentage of cases may result for the Kaksak
  12. Should you wish to terminate your thoughts regarding the Kaksak, you can do this by sticking your finger in your nose and digging out your last remaining brain cell and flicking it at your dog. No liability however can be accepted for injury that may or may no occur to the dog.
  13. Limitation of Liability: The Kaksak accepts no liability for the use, transmission, outputs, results, thoughts, inputs, decisions, relationships formed, relationships not formed, in any way whatsoever as a result of reading this limited liability blog post.
  14. You accept that the reading of this and similar messages are a normal part of your daily activity at this time of the year and as such will not result in any unexpected outcomes, medical conditions, stress, happiness or otherwise, in any way whatsoever and should any of these occur that you will see an appropriate medical professional to remove the large cactus stuck up your backside.
  15. Non acceptance of these terms means you cannot accept the above message and you should forget it immediately
  16. Some carbon may have been used in the creation of this blogpost. Should you wish to make your experience carbon neutral, please donate $500 to the Kaksak and I will try and fart in a bottle for 24 hours.
  17. If for some reason you cannot read or understand these terms, Google compensation lawyers and see if one of them can read it to you.

Without prejudice