At the Kaksak we are always trying to help our readers, especially those wankers who drive BMW’s, have big offices and earn lots of money. From our years of research at large corporates and in the tradie workplace, we understand what corporate managers say, and what tradie supervisors say, and the difference is really only in the wording. Pretty much the same thing really, just different speak. We also usually try and avoid foul language here, but it just didn’t work on this one without. So if you are easily offended, get the fuck out now….
So as a corporate manager, we recommend you share this article via you social networks, the one your co workers have access to so they have understand exactly what you say and what you mean to say in your daily corporate life. Good luck.
1. What you say: Thats OK, you go home at 5pm. its important to have a good work life balance.
What you wanted to say: Does this look like a fucking holiday camp? Finish your shit and then I will decide whether you can go home!
2. What you say: Even though you missed that, I’m sure we can still get it done within the time and budget allocated, everything will be OK
What you meant to say: This whole thing is fucked because of you!
3. What you say: There are clearly some development areas we need to address, how about a training course?
What you meant to say: You have no fucking clue, do you!
4. What you say: She is such a go getter, we are lucky to have her
What you meant to say: She is a power crazy bitch, and hates us all.
5. What you say: Don’t worry I will look at it tonight, you go off home!
What you meant to say: When the fuck did you expect me to look at this? Tonight?
6. What you say: We can take that on board, I’m just not sure it is feasible in the current economic environment, but a very good idea non the less.
What you meant to say: Fuck off you idiot!
7. What you say: Are you serious? That’s awesome.
What you meant to say: Well fuck me with a telephone pole, with a garden fork strapped to the front!
8. What you say: That’s interesting!
What you meant to say: Fuck me….
9. What you say: I was actually not involved in that project and also on leave at the time….
What you meant to say: Not my fucking problem!
10. What you say: He is not up to speed with all the issues yet!
What you meant to say: His head is unusually far up his arse this time!
11. What you say: May you should check with…..
What you meant to say: You are mistaking me for someone who gives a shit….
12. What you say: We are on a tight schedule, lets see if we can fit that in
What you meant to say: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that yesterday?
13. What you say: Hey Bob, can you pop over over here for a minute?
What you meant to say: Oi! Dick head
14. What you say: You’re pregnant? Thats so awesome for you and John. When is it due?
What you meant to say: We are fucked! Why did you get pregnant when you know how much shit we have to do. How much time have we got before its born?
15. What you say:No problem, I was going to be at home anyway…
What you meant to say: Who needs a fucking holiday?
17. What you say: We would never expect our people to work over time and not get paid!
What you meant to say: This bunch of lazy pricks couldn’t work any slower if they tried! Fuck that!
18. What you say: Lets give away a new iPhone to motivate our people!
What you meant to say: A good boot up the arse always motivated me, how about we try that…
19. What you say: Don’t worry, take it as a learning experience, our customers are all morons anyway
What you meant to say: You little shitbag! How dare you fuck up this business like that!
20. What you say: Thats OK, you can take 3 months off, we will find a temp and manage somehow. You go get that travel bug out your system and have fun!
What you meant to say: Have you lost your fucking mind?
Say no more…..