Top 10 Out of office suggestions for holidays

So it is nearly the Christmas holidays, lots of sunshine, Jack Daniels and hangovers. But do not forget the out of office reply on your email. Chances are, given the Australian economy your company is making you take additional leave, so make sure you get this right and are remembered appropriately. Here are the top 10 kaksak recommended out of office email replies for December 2013-January 2014 holidays:

 

  1. Our email server was unable to verify your IP address and the security of the sending domain. Please close Outlook, reboot your machine and try re sending this email until you stop receiving this error message. Alternatively contact your IT department with this message.
  2. Thanks for your email. Given recent retrenchments and redundancies I now do the jobs of 3 FTE’s so you you can expect a response in around 23 weeks time
  3. Given your recent online activity your emails and Internet traffic are now being monitored as part of a Government crackdown on beastiality porn websites. Please contact us at porn-info@asio.gov.au at your earliest convenience for a full browser and hard drive scan and to arrange an interview.
  4. START:NSA-Intercept-154632/23-3 date 193.42.80.01/advanced-suspect-surveillance:END
  5. You have mistaken the recipient of this email for someone who gives a shit. Please resend to a more appropriate person
  6. I have taken stress leave from this f%#cked up hellhole of a joint. Your emails are only serving to push me closer to the edge and should I harm myself this will be as a direct result of you sending this email. All emails are being copied to my lawyers who continue to build a case against all involved given the pending potential for self harm and the claims that will follow
  7. Hello, Im not wearing any underwear….
  8. Congratulations. You have been selected to win an iPad worth over$5,000. To claim your iPad please visit www.lowiq.ru and pay the small processing fee to our Paypal account in Belarus and your iPad will be shipped immediately.
  9. I have run away to join a different circus
  10. I will be out of the office from the 15 December to 12 January 2014 whereupon I will promptly delete all your emails. Please resend anytime after the 13th January.

 

and the best one of all:

Your fearless customer service representative is out and you are at the mercy of his henchmen. These henchmen have been carefully selected and  instructed to respond to your queries in the usual slow, evasive and ineffectual manner you are accustomed to, if at all.  Merry Christmas!