All posts by theRealKaksak

The Kaksak Contemplates Life

The Kaksak has been contemplating life, life in Bankstown and life without VB and Pokies. Life actually comes in 4 distinct bottles…Life in 4 bottles

This picture kind of captures it, except we don’t do Riesling in our house. If you can relate to this one, please Like us, Google Plus us or retweet, but don’t just sit there on your ass.

Tsotsi Terror – We want compensation

After reading this Gazza reckons he has had the same thing happen to him since Toula (his girlfriend) put on 45kg.  He has been reliving the same nightmare. He said this is caused directly by the carbon tax and now wants compensation. Gazza is going to check out his member on monday, excuse the pun.

The Unlucky Tsotsi

 

 

So, we the Kaksakke feel for you brother Isaac and hope you can fix this. Note this has nothing whatsoever to do with the Lucky Tsotsi in Darlinghurst. if they are watching, we still have not received our invites for free Castle, they must have got lost, please send more.

Enlarge the article, use Control and +. Only works on the article, nothing else…

 

The Olympics are done. What now?

Well the Kaksak has had a busy couple of weeks with the Olympics and all going on in London. We reckon the poms are going to go into a state of depression now that they no excuses for not working and have been able to do f#$# all for 2 weeks. Gazza and I decided maybe we could lobby for the next Olympics to be in Bankstown, but then after a couple of brainstorming beers, Toula klapped Kylie for not wanting to write the submission to the Bankstown Mayor, Gazza then dropped his lip with Kylie and stopped speaking, wouldn’t even ask for another beer so Tolla who is visiting from the farm klapped Gazza upside down for not telling him his toast was burning, so to the whole thing turning into a klapping olympics. snot klap, kop klap, gat klap I witnessed it all.

Anyway, not that the Olympics are done, this post is actually for the poms, 5 things you can do now that the Olympics are done:

  1. Try not to think about Penguins
  2. Try to swallow your tongue
  3. Act intelligent
  4. Pretend to be a leaf
  5. Beam yourself somewhere

OK, so now the Kaksak has wasted 30 seconds of your time, how about sharing some learnings from 2 weeks of lying on the couch watching Gazza drink VB after VB and smoke until late into the night on the kak Channel 9 coverage.

These are the 5 things we learnt, after 2 weeks of veging:

  1. White men can’t run
  2. Black men can’t swim
  3. Neither white men or black men can do synchronised swimming
  4. Stephanie Rice likes black men and white men
  5. Thanks f^$% for the sailors or our gold medal count would have been less than Lesotho’s

Given we have been sitting on our asses for 2 weeks, this is what Gazza got paid last week.

kaksak-payslip

So no VB, no rent and no nothing. OK, Lets watch Big Brother, probably know one of the housemates…

 

Gripple update

Aha, so the bliksems have now updated the gripples webpage and even recognised the great brain of the kaksak as some of the official uses. Updated gripple website can be checked out, But don’t get your hopes up. Our hopes are up because we think we can have fun with an ad agency and a big company when the whole campaign is launched, and not only that get some more ads so we can buy more beer.

Wonder if they will market this on TV. Watch this space we might yet be famous. Yebo Gogo, finally, and all for the humble gripple. Indeed.

Find more South African jokes here.