All posts by theRealKaksak

Gripples – Do you know what the Gripple Effect is?

Well the Kaksak loves a good puzzle even though we (especially Gazza) are well a bit kak at figuring them out., so after discovering this website we decided to get on the case, literally with a case of VB and look at this intelligently Bankstown style. For Gazza, Bankstown style has a completely different meaning but more on that later. Back to gripples and the gripple effect!

What we know from detailed analysis:

  • You can gripple
  • You can be grippled
  • You can experience the gripple effect, looks like people with only a first name have already?
  • You can share a gripple

What we also know:

  • A gripple is fence thing, streuth!
  • You can grip something or someone, preferably a chick and ideally not yourself, unless you are alone or if, OK, next
  • Gripple rhymes with nipple
  • Gripple also rhymes with ripple, tipple and zipple (Not sure what the last means, but we needed 3)
  • The gripple website is pretty kak and Gazza’s grandmother could have probably built a better site. You went all out on this one guys. Congrats. Hopefully the rest of your campaign has a bigger budget. Who are the single named people? Are there phot0s, will get get to meet these people. Why has no one in Queensland or Canberra experienced a Gripple? Do you have to have shitty weather to experience this? Show me a Doris from South Africa and I will show you a virgin from the Gold Coast….

OK, so our suppositions on this include the following 5 options:

Option 1: A new studded lining called gripples which go inside Nike Skins, those useless pants all the yuppies wear to make you think they are extreme sportsmen and woman when in fact they are out for coffee and some shopping. Extreme sports in Mosman and Double Bay we know. Now we reckon you can get gripples inside to stop them riding up and giving you a wedgie while walking through David Jones, to ensure your butt retains the perfect shape, even though you haven’t worked for it. Massage the cellulite away maybe as well?

Option 2: New serviettes with gripples on from Maccas. When you have a lot of cheap burger sauce to wipe off your singlet, you need a little grip to get it out of the white material, not so much to remove the mark but more to ensure it doesn’t dry too thick and crack later in the day, especially when you are out and about. Great for tradesman and other interesting people in Bankstown.

Option 3: A new book by Dan Brown (The Kaksak is the only person in Bankstown who knows who Dan is and I keep it a secret as you can get moered here for knowing this. Nobody reads books here, just TV movies and TV games allowed). Anyway, the gripple effect might be like similar to the greenhouse effect where instead of the planet getting warmer because of all the gas (Gazza is a big contributer to this) it is a Government initiative to warn people on the effects of the gripple and how grippling will make you more healthy, desirable, sexy, independent, smarter, free thinking, able to rise above the crowd, make a million dollars, awesomely attractive, the life and sole of the party…. oops sorry that is credit card or watch ad, this is the Government we are talking about.  It would no doubt be another means of keeping Julia Gillard in as prime minister, be expensive, the cost be born by the taxpayers and then be stuffed up in implementation with a bigger cost blow out than expected. Im sure the PM also said there would be no gripple effect during her election campaign. Must cut down on the VB during the election months to stay on top of the detail.

Option 4: The Gripple is something that will result from the Carbon Tax. The carbon tax is in on the 1st July as is the Gripple effect. Nobody knows what the true impact of the carbon tax is, other than a lot of battlers with new found cash to spend on pokies and beer as compensation for the ducted air conditioning, under floor heating and large stoves, washing and coffee machines which chew up electricity and are now going to cost a lot more. Australia, the only country with a carbon tax, nobody else has and which will make already expensive cities even more expensive. That will be the gripple effect, a slow vice like grip on your wallet, savings and cash to ensure Julia and her ministers have more money for junkets and other over seas trips we pay for. The only place we can afford to go is Bali and now Gazza wont go after Schapelle got caught with zol. Phuket he also wont go to, apparently last time he was there he had an issue determining if the “date” he picked up late one night was girl or girl-boy and only found out the next morning and it is a topic we don’t discuss any more in the kaksak household.

Option 5: New car seats with gripples on them to avoid having to wear a seatbelt. So you can like just jump into the Skyline, window open, arm out and no constricting seatbelt so you can wave at the chicks as you cruise George Street Saturday night, windows open, freezing and the rap music thumping. If you have to stop suddenly, the gripples will keep your pants in place anyway. Apparently during testing a number of test pilots ended up running down the road at 60km per hour in the nude after a sudden stop with the gripples still holding their nylon tracksuit pants in place, still in perfect form on the cloth seat. If the driver got a fright, you could clean the seat with a gripple napkin from Maccas, see option 2. Apparently the undies stayed as well the gripple effect worked so well.

In conclusion

So we think we have it sussed out. Maybe narrowed down to these 5 options. We will keep you posted if we find out more of if the lovely people from Gripple contact us and offer us dollars to boast about their gripple product. Maybe we even get to meet Julia and Tony in Canberra.

Check out the Gripple Effect here.



Luck Tsotsi Shebeen in Darlinghurst

Well it had to happen sooner or later, a Shebeen had to open in Darlinghurst, (245 Oxford Street) of all places? WTF? My recollection of the Shebeens in South Africa are somewhat hazy, both smoke and alcohol wise and I remember very big beers there. In fact if you drank anything that came in a container less than 1 litre you got automatically ejected via the rear entrance by your ear. I also remember the prices were fairly low, given they were mostly illegal. So Im assuming the Lucky Tsotsi is both illegal and cheap if it is to follow in the footsteps of its African predecessors’.

I also expecting to see a couple of Hiace’s parked outside in disrepair and plumes of zol smoke bellowing from the windows, loud music playing on a really bad sound system, corrugated iron and string holding the place together and finally I should also be somewhat fearlful for my safety if this to be a true Shebeen experience. OK, maybe I just visited the upmarket ones…

I spoke with Gazza, we reckon they will have gone soft. There will be no smoking, fancy beer in small bottles, outrageous prices and a bunch of well behaved yuppies eating peri peri   chicken and maybe a small, neat starter of bunny chow.  The peri peri is probably not even that hot? OK, we are excited and pre judging this place. But it is in Darlinghurst not Bankstown?

Anyway, about time we had a Shebeen in Sydney, but why not Kings Cross or Bankstown I dunno? Always looking for an excuse to visit the Cross. The girls are friendly and its a bit of a skande, but in some of the clubs they don’t wear much either, so its definitely more interesting than the Bankstown RSL. I digress. So looking forward to popping into the Shebeen sometime when I have managed to save up enough dollars for the train trip, and if this happens we will report back on our experience. Does a Castle Lager really cost 8 bucks there?

Back to the Lucky Tsotsi, whoever he is. I asked Gazza if he knew what a Tsotsi was and he thought I was saying Tot siens badly, even though he is an Aussie he has picked up some of “die taal” along the way. Anyway I reckon the Tsotsi can consider himself lucky to be in Sydney and even luckier that the Kaksak has discovered his existence, maybe.

Does this mean I have to put my bed on bricks now?



Life’s Great Conundrums

Some of Life’s great conundrums and questions we need to answer, this weekend! Happy Easter and hope the Easter bunny was kind:

  • Instant water. Just add water?
  • You drive 5 km in heavy traffic to the gym, to sit on a stationery bike
  • Where did Noah keep the woodpeckers?
  •  You have a doorbell but everyone texts or calls when they arrive
  • Before drawing boards were invented, what did corporate folk go back to?
  • If bikinis show 90% of the female body, why does everyone always look at the 10%?
  • Girls want to look sexy, but don’t really want to have sex?
  • When you call the bank you input your customer number, then they ask you for your customer number
  • The weather people can tell you sunrise to the minute in 5 years time but cannot tell you accurately if it will rain tommorrow
  • The problem with common sense being that it’s not really that common
  • If you go out with the intent to fail but succeed, what have you done?
  • Porn is a billion dollar industry nobody is watching
  • I saw a Prius with mag wheels
  • If you refuse to pay the exorcist would you get repossessed?
  • Why does sour cream have an expiry date?
  • Why did they call him the Lone Ranger, when he was always with Tonto?
  • How would you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
  • What women see in Russell Brand?
  • What women fail to see in the Kaksak

The last thing I saw

I remember nothing. This was the last picture taken on my mobile phone…

The last photo taken on my mobile

Apparently the K Mart is still under repair and there are also numerous claims from both customers and staff for injuries ranging from missing eyebrows, to toxic fume inhalation and burns to skin. The kebab shop around the corner is denying everything but they have pulled their Double chilli beef and bean kebab. No explanation given.