Chuck Norris and the Kaksak

The best selection of Chuck Norris jokes. Sent in by a loyal reader and slightly edited:

  • Chuck Norris once ate a whole birthday cake before his friends told him there was a stripper in it
  • When watching Chuck Norris do a roundhouse kick in slow motion, he actually gives them 1 in the ass, washes his hands, then has a smoke and  then roundhouse kicks them in the face
  • Chuck Norris was once in a gun fight and the gun lost
  • Chuck Norris house does not have doors, just walls he walks though the walls
  • The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not square Chuck Norris the result is death
  • Chuck Norris eats steak every meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow first
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun
  • Chuck Norris does not wear a watch, he decides what time it is
  • Brokeback Mountain is not just a movie. It is what Chuck Norris calls a pile of dead ninjas in his front yard
  • Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 345 kph for the Australian grand prix, without a car
  • Chuck Norris wears a rattlesnake as a condom
  • When the Terminator (Arnold) said “Ill be back” he was actually going to ask Chuck Norris for help
  • The first law of physics is that energy cannot be destroyed…. unless it meets Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris once shat blood. Just after he had eaten the 11,928 angry natives he had just killed
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris
  • Someone in history told Chuck Norris his roundhouse kick technique could be improved. Per the Wiki this has been recorded as one of the worst mistakes ever made in history
  • When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn’t drink formula, just Whiskey straight from the bottle
  • The full name of the UFC is actually the Ultimate Fighting Championship Non Chuck Norris Division
  • If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, you will die, if he misses the wind will tear your liver out…
  • On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects 1 lucky stranger to be round house kicked into the sun
  • TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion
  • The GFC was caused by Chuck Norris losing his first ever game of monopoly
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tele-marketer over the phone
  • They made Chuck Norris toilet paper but it was hopeless, it wouldn’t take shit from anyone
  • If you cannot see Chuck Norris you might be seconds away from death
  • Chuck Norris never sleeps, he just waits
  • Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper, then shat out Mister Miyagi and the Karate Kid followed by some Origami swans
  • Chuck Norris threw Neo out of Zion and now he is “The two”

We find these really funny, hysterics nearly resulted in us not finishing and Chuck Norris giving Gazza and me roundhouse kicks to the head. But wait, there has been an update. 50 more funny Chuck Norris Facts right here.

5 thoughts on “Chuck Norris and the Kaksak

  1. Chuck Norris Jokes The best of South African Humour and Jokes best post. I has been collection in my blog. 2010/00/00

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