Driven a car lately? If you are a bus dweller like most of us this probably is not an issue for you.
I drove the Skyline out to Bondi over the weekend and nearly kakked myself when I filled up. Its a joke.I think Ali Baba would be embarrassed if he saw what was hapenning to the Australian public when it comes to fuel prices. I had heard our good ACCC was looking into this, and boy are they? just kidding. At the Kaksak offices, we decided to blow the lid off this rort. Here is our in depth investigation and the actions we took.
The ACCC monitoring the ppetrol prices on public holidays. And I quote from the ACCC website:
“There is a perception in the community that petrol prices increase by more than usual just before public holidays and long weekends. To test this perception, the ACCC conducted a detailed review of prices in the five largest cities around every public holiday”
I do not call fuel going from $1.18 to $1.38 from Thursday to Friday a F$&*ing perception. Can you tell us how you tested these perceptions. Any data would help here. How many tests. What exactly is the percentage? Was this on the way home buying bread or done by your work experience kid? Was he playing with his perception at the time of doing this research? Who signed off on this drivel?
“This review showed that price movements around public holidays have been similar to price movements at other times”
What, other public holidays? So they rip us off every pubic holiday but as long as it’s consistent?
“In part, the perception that price increases are unusually large just before holidays may be due to the operation of the regular weekly cycle, which causes prices to rise just before all weekends, not just holiday weekends”
WTF? Weekly cycle? What weekly cycle, that they know people will need fuel on the weekends so they charge more. These are multi million dollar oil corporations who smooth their earnings every year for investors but they cannot fokken manage a weekly fuel cycle? If it is only a perception, why do I have less cash for beers if I buy fuel on a Friday? Is that my perception? The RSL won’t let me pay in perception dollars either.
“Price rises may be more noticeable before holiday weekends because a large number of motorists make long trips, using more petrol than usual”
No shit Sherlock… So I think the final point here is bend over, drop your rods and stop complaining. WTF does this actually mean, people use more petrol that usual and thus they should get charged more. Absolutely a root. In South Africa they agree the price monthly. No bullshit cycles. These petrol cycles are in fact so efficient that the ACCC cannot explain them and neither apparently can the oil companies to the ACCC. In fact petrol prices are so efficient that the same fuel may go up or down based on supply and demand with a day, even though the refill bowser only and always visits 1 a week. Immediate revaluation of trading stock, the same stock nogal within hours. Unbelievable. And the ACCC tries to explain this as perception. How F#$# stupid do they think the general public is? Obviously pretty bloody stupid.
If I have ever seen a mielie, it is in the graphs attempting to show Im not sure what actually, that we are not getting a mielie. If this is the data they used, Im not surprised they have no idea, but they seem to believe they are correct, even if they are a small cycle…
So we are no longer going to stand for this, we decided to boycott fuel and see if we, the kaksakkers could start to make a difference and force change.
Day 1 – Petrol boycott
- Slick road his dikwiel in and after nearly getting killed twice, got hit on the ass by a bakkies mirror, which ripped his pants off, including undies. Very unfortunate for the nana driving behind him who is still getting counseling. Pants were never found. Slick eventually tied his helmet across his butt for the rest of the journey. Cops got him a couple of hundred meters from work and confiscated his bike as he was not wearing a helmet, and fined $200. He is bleak.
- I decided to walk. Got mugged walking through Redfern, they stole my comb, sandals and mobile. I got on the train as a result and someone felt my crotch. Normally this is not something I would complain about, especially if I am surrounded by Ralph models. Unfortunately the models do not catch the trains, or not ones in Redfern anyway. I was surrounded by group of large Islander rugby players on their way to practice, and we were so crammed in that I could not get my hands below shoulder level. I think they were trying to steal my wallet through my fly, and thought I had a roll of cash in there, which would not come out, and did they try. When the crowd cleared out, there I was fly open and feeling like a smoke. An angry elderly lady klapped me and called me a pervert. The railway police then wanted to know if any girls under 16 had witnessed the event, apparently I would have been in all sorts of kak, and then let me go with a warning. I could sense however the 3 older divorcees with no teeth were checking out my goods, I felt violated and got off the train. Only then to then be hit by a cyclist going the wrong way on the pavement. His handle bar caught my jacket pocket, ripped it clean off and all my used tissues and change fell onto the pavement with lots of people walking past. A nerdy guy in a suit then shat on me for littering. Its not the F%^$ dude riding illegally, its my 6 snotty tissues which piss him off.
- Gazza pulled a sicki. He said it is his right, he gets 10 days sick leave a year and if you do not use them you loose them. His boss then spotted him buying XBox games at Parramatta Westfield. He pretended he was someone else and that he didnt recognise his boss. Even put on a fake South African accent. The doos forgot he was in his company’s golf shirt. He got a warning and the day’s pay docked.
- Toula and Kylie drove to work. Not that many busses to the Cross from where we are. Chicks don’t like conflict and are more conscientious than blokes. All went well, Toula got a raise and Kylie’s new boss took her to lunch. I think he is trying to get into her pants, she says he respects her views and ideas. So much so he even booked a room at the Formula One for the afternoon so they could work quietly together. Kylie found it strange there was no desk in the room, and at times uncomfortably that he worked in his undies, which are leopard skin nogal but she said he is eccentric and it was very productive.
Morale of the story
So the morale of the story is. Do not F#$% with the Oil companies. The Universe itself will kak on your head. Not even the organisation set up to investigate the organisations can do proper research. This is the way the Universe works, the way it is meant to be. Do not rock the boat. Just bend over whenever you fill up your car from now on, and know the Oil companies are a law unto their own. Tomorrow, we are driving to work, and even though Im pissed off, rather pissed off than messing with the oil companies or selling the Skyline to buy a Prius.