We at the Kaksak find the following tests highly appropriate in case you are in any doubt as to whether you are South African:

• Your employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are
• You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any
• Drying out perfectly good meat and eating it weeks later is considered a delicacy
• You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them
• You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela
• You go to braais regularly, where you eat tjops and boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously
• You know that there’s nothing to do in the Orange Free State
• You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer
• Travelling at 120 km/h and you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway
• You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
• You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
• You go to a wedding or other great event and watch the rugby and this is totally accepted and understood
• You know a taxi can move twice it’s certified number of people in one trip
• People are more terrified after 5 minutes in a taxi than appearing on a whole episode of “Supernatural”
• To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
• More people vote in a local reality TV show than in the local election
• People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation
• “just now” can mean anything from a minute to a month
• You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
• You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it
• A bullet train is being introduced, but the Government can’t fix potholes
• The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
• You paint your car’s registration on the roof and this is considered normal
• Prisoners go on strike
• Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Africa