Help for Immigrants -Living in Australia

If you have recently moved from the South African platteland to Australia, you need help. The Kaksak is here to help immigrants, help you not get moered when you open you mouth for the first time on a Sydney street. Here we go:

Mate: Pronounced “meid”. This is not the lady who helps you clean the house and “shien jou in die gurajsh” is not appropriate. Use the word mate in the following context. “Does you watch rugby, mate?” If the answer is no, refer to “Ferry” below.

Root: Be very careful with this one, especially when in the presence of ladies. Saying something like “I’m looking for an alternate root” may get you a snot klap or lucky. Up to you to find out. A hint, root does not relate to directions and rooting is perfectly fine adjective to use in Australia.

Thong: Pronounced “fong” is not the local Chinese. Thong is a shoe, not a G String. So when you walk into the RSL and it says no thongs, don’t get excited this just means no slip slops. If the sign says casual wear, this also generally means, wear fongs. So when  you go to buy slip slops you can open with “I is looking for fongs” and be comfortable you will be shown the most popular and contemporary footwear in Australia.

Kaksak: A very sophisticated blog for South Africans living in Australia, not a shit bag. Using the word Kaksak in Australia will help build your networks and wine you lots of friends of the opposite sex. An opening line when you meet other South Africans might be “I was reading the Kaksak recently and see….”

Just now: Just say “See ya later”, you can also ad mate on the end, “See ya later mate”. Same difference. So when you buy a can of coke at a road side stall in Dubbo you can say “See ya later, mate” and leave with a clear conscience knowing you will never see that individual again, and they have considered you a “mate” for the 3 minutes of their life they wasted interacting with you.

A site for sore eyes: Tell Riaan the Kaksak sent you.

Boerewors Droe Wors Biltong

Bledisloe: Pronounced “Bleddie Slow” relates nothing to speed but is a game played between Australia and New Zealand and has nothing to do with the speed people drive on the high ways here, which is blerry slow…

Ferry: Pronounced Fairie. This is a boat. Full stop. Just don’t say, for example “Im going to catch a ride on a ferry tonight!”

The Labour party: Boknaaiers, nothing more to say here. Have you seen their carbon tax yet?