Springboks v New Zealand in Auckland

We at the Kaksak offices are cautiously unoptimistic today. Hopefully Pieter has now learnt the full implications of jetlag and the Bokke have settled down and getting enough doodies.

From the Springbok camp:

Mr Matfield confirmed Bakkies has been behaving like a tourist given he is out of a job for 9 weeks and giving them all the shits. Every morning when they go to train early he hangs out the window in his singlet singing na na nanan na, and then plays on his Nintendo DS the whole day boasting about his high scores when they get back.

In preparation the bokke have been eating raw meat, and swopping stories of the 1995 world cup and talking about just how they are going to give one to the Kiwi’s. Actually this was before they went out partying on Saturday night, not sure what they have been talking about before the game this week. Certain roles have been handed out in the Springbok camp to ensure they can learn responsibility, like tackling and scoring.

  • Kakstripe Habana has also been doing the coffee run every morning, he is the fastest
  • Banana hands Burger is responsible for fetching lunch every day. He is the only one with big enough hands to carry 32 quarter pounders at once
  • John Smit counts everyone every morning, not only because he is captain but also because he can count to 15. Apparently the 6 reservers have been left behind now a number of times are are getting really pissed off
  • Bakkies counts the number of beers they all drink every night, apparently the limit is 3, Pieter is still figuring out who the guests are who drink the rest and leave without saying thank you
  • Mr Matfield tucks everyone in at night, Fok it, no wonder they cannot sleep…

From the All Black camp:

The All Blacks have got a new Haka including bending over and giving a brown eye and also pulling the finger at their opponents. Apparently a more contemporary version given the changes in society and the fact that the Haka was losing its following with the younger crowd. The suggestion that they were hoodies and ipods while doing the haka was however rejected by the New Zealand rugby board.

They have also been eating raw meat, in fact the whole sheep raw including the wool and bones. Apart from hardening up, I understand the farting is terrible and they have gone through 3 physio’s and the team doctor has resigned and claiming permanent lung damage. Air New Zealand while putting all the Kiwi team on the no fly list, has been bottling the stuff and testing it for use on military aircraft, given the US is now running their fighter jets on vegetable oil. The jets are flying 30% faster with no refining, and after a flyover 60% of the people below suffered some form of breaking problem. Unfortunately it was an outing from the local old age home so test are inconclusive and there has been little press coverage of the event for obvious reasons.

McCaw is happy with his teams performance and says he is “going to step it up a notch”. From last week!!

So we look forward to the kick off, 7:35 pm New Zealand and apparently Fiji time in Auckland.

Off to the bottle shop for my case of VB.

 

RWC 2011 analysis here…