Tag Archives: Bankstown

Misogynist – The full Definition

So Julia Gillard has said Tony Abbott is a misogynist. We at the Kaksak said WTF is a misogynist?

We also said, why is our esteemed prime minister worrying about what Tony Abbott is or isn’t when there are boat loads of people smugglers arriving every second day and this was a model due to be smashed when she became PM. What is she doing about the economy? The increasing job losses, reducing company profits, dropping iron ore prices, increasing Government debt? The to top it all off, a labour function making sexist jokes. We at the Kaksak, being the voice of the people of Bankstown say Seriously???

All we hear is rhetoric: “we are not only talking about it, but getting on with the job” they say.

We say bullshit. If you are as you say getting on with the job, you are doing it both badly and slowly.  Also the talking about is we think is actually driving more greenhouse gas, given the amount of talk and the amount of action.

So please can you politicians pull your heads out of your asses, don’t worry about misogynists, only the yanks really seem to give a shit anyway and they are full of it anyway. Go Mitt!! Actually Gazza looked up the meaning of misogynist. No, actually he tried to work it out himself, it is apparently a Japanese soup made in the mist?

So please Australian Government, the hard working people of Bankstown are asking you to do your jobs instead of sitting around arguing about crap. Get some things done that will make this country great, drop the red tape, get people working and stop bogging down business with tax and over protective regulation to the point where people are not even responsible for themselves!!!

The Olympics are done. What now?

Well the Kaksak has had a busy couple of weeks with the Olympics and all going on in London. We reckon the poms are going to go into a state of depression now that they no excuses for not working and have been able to do f#$# all for 2 weeks. Gazza and I decided maybe we could lobby for the next Olympics to be in Bankstown, but then after a couple of brainstorming beers, Toula klapped Kylie for not wanting to write the submission to the Bankstown Mayor, Gazza then dropped his lip with Kylie and stopped speaking, wouldn’t even ask for another beer so Tolla who is visiting from the farm klapped Gazza upside down for not telling him his toast was burning, so to the whole thing turning into a klapping olympics. snot klap, kop klap, gat klap I witnessed it all.

Anyway, not that the Olympics are done, this post is actually for the poms, 5 things you can do now that the Olympics are done:

  1. Try not to think about Penguins
  2. Try to swallow your tongue
  3. Act intelligent
  4. Pretend to be a leaf
  5. Beam yourself somewhere

OK, so now the Kaksak has wasted 30 seconds of your time, how about sharing some learnings from 2 weeks of lying on the couch watching Gazza drink VB after VB and smoke until late into the night on the kak Channel 9 coverage.

These are the 5 things we learnt, after 2 weeks of veging:

  1. White men can’t run
  2. Black men can’t swim
  3. Neither white men or black men can do synchronised swimming
  4. Stephanie Rice likes black men and white men
  5. Thanks f^$% for the sailors or our gold medal count would have been less than Lesotho’s

Given we have been sitting on our asses for 2 weeks, this is what Gazza got paid last week.

kaksak-payslip

So no VB, no rent and no nothing. OK, Lets watch Big Brother, probably know one of the housemates…

 

Gripples – Do you know what the Gripple Effect is?

Well the Kaksak loves a good puzzle even though we (especially Gazza) are well a bit kak at figuring them out., so after discovering this website we decided to get on the case, literally with a case of VB and look at this intelligently Bankstown style. For Gazza, Bankstown style has a completely different meaning but more on that later. Back to gripples and the gripple effect!

What we know from detailed analysis:

  • You can gripple
  • You can be grippled
  • You can experience the gripple effect, looks like people with only a first name have already?
  • You can share a gripple

What we also know:

  • A gripple is fence thing, streuth!
  • You can grip something or someone, preferably a chick and ideally not yourself, unless you are alone or if, OK, next
  • Gripple rhymes with nipple
  • Gripple also rhymes with ripple, tipple and zipple (Not sure what the last means, but we needed 3)
  • The gripple website is pretty kak and Gazza’s grandmother could have probably built a better site. You went all out on this one guys. Congrats. Hopefully the rest of your campaign has a bigger budget. Who are the single named people? Are there phot0s, will get get to meet these people. Why has no one in Queensland or Canberra experienced a Gripple? Do you have to have shitty weather to experience this? Show me a Doris from South Africa and I will show you a virgin from the Gold Coast….

OK, so our suppositions on this include the following 5 options:

Option 1: A new studded lining called gripples which go inside Nike Skins, those useless pants all the yuppies wear to make you think they are extreme sportsmen and woman when in fact they are out for coffee and some shopping. Extreme sports in Mosman and Double Bay we know. Now we reckon you can get gripples inside to stop them riding up and giving you a wedgie while walking through David Jones, to ensure your butt retains the perfect shape, even though you haven’t worked for it. Massage the cellulite away maybe as well?

Option 2: New serviettes with gripples on from Maccas. When you have a lot of cheap burger sauce to wipe off your singlet, you need a little grip to get it out of the white material, not so much to remove the mark but more to ensure it doesn’t dry too thick and crack later in the day, especially when you are out and about. Great for tradesman and other interesting people in Bankstown.

Option 3: A new book by Dan Brown (The Kaksak is the only person in Bankstown who knows who Dan is and I keep it a secret as you can get moered here for knowing this. Nobody reads books here, just TV movies and TV games allowed). Anyway, the gripple effect might be like similar to the greenhouse effect where instead of the planet getting warmer because of all the gas (Gazza is a big contributer to this) it is a Government initiative to warn people on the effects of the gripple and how grippling will make you more healthy, desirable, sexy, independent, smarter, free thinking, able to rise above the crowd, make a million dollars, awesomely attractive, the life and sole of the party…. oops sorry that is credit card or watch ad, this is the Government we are talking about.  It would no doubt be another means of keeping Julia Gillard in as prime minister, be expensive, the cost be born by the taxpayers and then be stuffed up in implementation with a bigger cost blow out than expected. Im sure the PM also said there would be no gripple effect during her election campaign. Must cut down on the VB during the election months to stay on top of the detail.

Option 4: The Gripple is something that will result from the Carbon Tax. The carbon tax is in on the 1st July as is the Gripple effect. Nobody knows what the true impact of the carbon tax is, other than a lot of battlers with new found cash to spend on pokies and beer as compensation for the ducted air conditioning, under floor heating and large stoves, washing and coffee machines which chew up electricity and are now going to cost a lot more. Australia, the only country with a carbon tax, nobody else has and which will make already expensive cities even more expensive. That will be the gripple effect, a slow vice like grip on your wallet, savings and cash to ensure Julia and her ministers have more money for junkets and other over seas trips we pay for. The only place we can afford to go is Bali and now Gazza wont go after Schapelle got caught with zol. Phuket he also wont go to, apparently last time he was there he had an issue determining if the “date” he picked up late one night was girl or girl-boy and only found out the next morning and it is a topic we don’t discuss any more in the kaksak household.

Option 5: New car seats with gripples on them to avoid having to wear a seatbelt. So you can like just jump into the Skyline, window open, arm out and no constricting seatbelt so you can wave at the chicks as you cruise George Street Saturday night, windows open, freezing and the rap music thumping. If you have to stop suddenly, the gripples will keep your pants in place anyway. Apparently during testing a number of test pilots ended up running down the road at 60km per hour in the nude after a sudden stop with the gripples still holding their nylon tracksuit pants in place, still in perfect form on the cloth seat. If the driver got a fright, you could clean the seat with a gripple napkin from Maccas, see option 2. Apparently the undies stayed as well the gripple effect worked so well.

In conclusion

So we think we have it sussed out. Maybe narrowed down to these 5 options. We will keep you posted if we find out more of if the lovely people from Gripple contact us and offer us dollars to boast about their gripple product. Maybe we even get to meet Julia and Tony in Canberra.

Check out the Gripple Effect here.

 

 

The last thing I saw

I remember nothing. This was the last picture taken on my mobile phone…

The last photo taken on my mobile

Apparently the K Mart is still under repair and there are also numerous claims from both customers and staff for injuries ranging from missing eyebrows, to toxic fume inhalation and burns to skin. The kebab shop around the corner is denying everything but they have pulled their Double chilli beef and bean kebab. No explanation given.

 

Happy and Sad at the same time

Gazza and his chick (Toula) were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

Gazza turned to Toula and said, “This is a bunch of crap”

I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
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Toula smiled and said “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.”

Harden Up Australia

I had the unfortunate experience of heading out to the Northern suburbs yesterday. I do not as a matter of principle cross the bridge unless good looking chicks are involved. What a bunch of F…. ponsers. Not too many real cars their either. Saw 1 other Commodore and I think he was visiting. By the looks of it he was also not wanted there as a cop car was chasing him. I slunk down in the Skyline to avoid any attention, I normally sit quite low anyway and turned up the music so any coppers would not hear my dual cone, illegal exhausts. The plan seemed to work well except got a lot of dirty looks from the ponsers at the coffee chops. In Bankstown the chicks usually wave and smile, even if they are missing a few teeth.

All you see is soy latte’s, yoga, alternative medicine and cosmetic dentists. This is not the real Australia. One bunch was even offering to help the energy meridians of my body to make me feel better? I said “Mate, are you f…. serious?” Thought the guy was going to have a cardiac arrest right here and then. Never heard of such crap. We only have massages in Bankstown and then from what Ive heard, they offer additional value added services. Not help to adjust your energy lines. Get real people, and you pay for this bullshit….

People in Bankstown have real issues like mortgages, raising children and the bottle shop closing at 9pm. They once ran out of VB and I thought the place was going to get burnt down. It’s never happened since. Talking of VB, I really miss Castle Lager. Found some at the Springbok Butchery in Mowbray Road, $18 a six pack. I think you could buy a whole truck of Castle Lager in South Africa for that price. I digress…

The only response I could find to the folk from Mosman was the following video which features Chopper Read an infamous Australian Should have been called Harden Up Mosman….. Nevertheless all you Mosman people, Harden the F…. up..

This blog in no way endorses Chopper Read or his actions. So before you Mosmanites say “ooh this is outrageous, Im going to sue the Kaksak”. I say “Harden the F…. up Mosman”. I must say though Balmoral is cool. There were also some poor people there so I felt more at home. Lots of girls who could only afford a bikini bottom.