Yes folks, we know you’ve been holding onto your false teeth in anticipation so here is post number 2 on why women live longer than men! Understand the difference between being brave, lazy and a general jackass.
To all you brothers we salute you but please read your OH&S manuals.
So, we have seen NSW beat Queensland in Origin, we have seen Spain been beaten twice and we have Julian Assange asking the US to drop the investigation into Wiki leaks.
What we havent seen until today is a happy person doing search marketing. Yes friends, something we thought we would never see and it has happened. How on earth, we have no idea. Neverthess there is a happiest man in search. Good luck brother. May the force be with you. Maybe its the water in Melbourne who knows, but happy days indeed.
Now get me another beer! Lets watch some football. How do I find the scores again. Hangon, let me search!!! And that my friends is why we have a happiest man in Search.
Yes its that time of the year and in stead of doing a post SMX review, we thought we would get in Barry’s face and do a pre Sydney SMX review.BTW the conference is the 3-4th April and at the very fancy Hilton Hotel in Sydney, Australia.
The search nerds are excited and no doubt preparing. To ensure you are ready for SMX 2013, here are our tips for those of you attending:
Do not go outside, it may even be too late. Any sign of a tan = no credibility
Dig out the oldest and worst fitting jeans you have and do not under any circumstances iron them
Get your old hiking boots out, scuff them
Find an old conference t shirt, preferably US based and from pre 2010, for real street cred
Stop doing you hair as of today and make sure you have some facial heair. Girls you can try this as well
Fire up Twitter, Google + and make sure you have some boring, inane quotes related to search
Start telling everyone you are going to “live blog” SMX
Find an Apple anything. Do not go with a Microsoft anything. Samsung OK.
Practice your snorting loud laugh repeatedly for he tea breaks and laughing at fellow nerd jokes
The whose who of the SEO zoo and more are going to be there. Some of the larger and more trendy Ad agencies have finally figured out what SEO is so if you see well dressed, overly cool people there, these folk are probably from these agencies and don’t talk to them, they are expensive and probably won’t be there in 3 months from now.
Highlights to look out for…
Rand Fishkin – Debonair, funny, cool and the boss of SEOmoz. Hang with Rand, he is friendly and hopes you will sign up to SEOmoz. Girls don’t wear American undies around Rand, you know what they say, 1 yank and they’re off.
Marty Weintraub – Energetic, the Kaksak gets tired just watching him, but he is awesome. Taught me all I know, but he will deny that ofcourse!
Dejan Petrovic and his Ukrainian band, up from Brisbane. Lots of interesting testing going on, just don’t f#$k with them!
Jeremy Bolt – Does this dude ever smile? Bruce Clay, the suits and a formal bunch in the SEO world. Im scared of them, they know too much! Hang on, where is Bruce?
Chris Dimmock – One of the originals and refusing to let go
Monte Huebsch – Funny man, attend one of his sessions to see why. Entertaining and usually good take aways, but don’t expect fancy slides!
Barry Smyth – Hang on isn’t he the organiser? Multi tasking?
Mike Motherwell – WTF? He is not on the speakers list? If Mike is not there, I’m?not going even if I have a free ticket! Can someone start a petition about this?
Brian White – From Google. We love you Brian. We don’t spam here, but we love you! Remember than when you see the Kaksak whizz by on that spam report!
Others from Distilled, Mindshare, SEO Gadget, Clever Clicks etc. These will be the well dressed people!
Where are all the other SEO agencies from large agencies? Reprise, Outrider, First, eWeb, Razorfish, DGM, First Click and more. No sign. Are they still doing SEO. I thought this was a search conference? Barry WTF is going n here. Did you not call these people?
5 things I want to learn at SMX in 2013:
Is Mike Motherwell dating?
Is SEO dead? If so can I get my money back? Who the hell is sending me all my traffic then?
Is Barry actually in charge or just a mambot?
Can the Google webspam team be “influenced”. If we did a blogpost reviewing Google for them would they overlook certain things in return?
Should I optimise the Kaksak for Yahoo, now that super babe Marissa is in charge? Can I do this at home?
Enjoy SMX, the Kaksak is excited and looking forward to it? In the mean time, Happy Easter!
Gazza reckons its the Russians and their bot nets which are getting infected machines to query the term “na pohybel janas” on search engines so that it becomes a most searched term, then to judge the response of not only the general public but also the FBI, CIA and any other agencies that may be watching and see what their response is. As a large experiment, if they can look at the users across the web and the interest it generates they can create better spam and defraud more innocent individuals out of their hard earned cash.
So if your machine is randomly searching na pohybel janas then get your virus checker updated, scan your entire hard drive and if it is still doing it, buy a Mac. If your Mac does it then throw away your mobile phone, shut down your Internet connection and go “off the grid” because Janas just might be coming to get you.
Toula says its actually a new hairstyle she saw in Bankstown last week which requires a perm treatment combined with straightener, dye and some trimming. Just say it fast, like I want the na pohybel janas please.
So the next time you see a search geek walking down the street, look him in the eye and say NA POHYBEL JANAS! and you will very quickly smell the fear…
For all you office dwelling, educated metrosexuals who trudge to work in your high powered BMW’s at the grand speed of 60kmph. All those of you who think the outdoors is walking barefoot through the Sheraton. Watch this and realise exactly how much of a naff you probably are…
Apparently no underwear was harmed in the making of this video….
Well I never. A copy of the American show in the centre of Sydney. Got the Kaksak crew off to the cheap seats at SMX Sydney on Friday. I was worried that the Hilton Hotel would think the West had arrived in the Sydney CBD, but when we walked in I figured we were over dressed. Of course if you work on the Internets no one cares what you look or dress like. Not as many companies in the expo area as I expected, but enough to get a feel. The guys from Panalysis, Bruce Clay and Reach local were knowledgeable. Didn’t know they recruited them so old these days. DejanSEO was also there but a little scary. Felt like I was meeting the Russian mafia.
Some interesting speakers as well, some definitely more interesting than others. Also met Barry Smythe the organiser who seemed like a nice enough guy and his boss Mike Motherwell. I thought the roles should be the other way around, but hey, whatever.Barry had an iPad. I tried to touch it so I could see the future, but no deal.
Was surprised to see Denis Yu there, with some of the noise around him at the moment. Seemed like a nice guy though and lots of experience. Tried to talk to Greg Boser but he is an important man and had a constant group of groupies following him. Search is not a good industry, the groupies were not good looking young chicks but mostly older while men. Go Greg….
The key things I learn’t from SMX Sydney this week.
Just because you know stuff, does not mean you are speaker
The “futurists” on search could only come up with mobile and privacy, and it took 30 minutes of my life to hear that
Real time search also means recorded time as we cannot all be on the web, all of the time
There are not that many good looking chicks in this area, but a lot of grumpy old men
The more you learn, you more you realize how little you know
Anyway, got some good tips from the expo folks, in fact I think better than from the sessions. Good show Barry, may even pay to attend next year. Will definitely go next year, nice vibe around the place. The latest post from SMX Sydney 2011 right here, SEO, CRO, SMO, SEM and more.
Hope all the readers have a Happy Easter and remember the real reason behind Easter. Not just Easter Eggs if you know what I mean.
We have made some changes here at the Kaksak. Firstly you can now subscribe to get a humour dose. Still working out how often this will go, i.e. weekly, monthly or dailly etc. Any feedback let us know. Also we will allow advertising soon. If you want to reach an African Australian audience this is the place. OK, we just need to pay some overheads…
We also have a new blogger and joke provider called Hennie who comes from Welkom and lives in Aus now. Hennie used to be a welders assistant and drive a Ford Concertina but has found fame and fortune on the Internet in recent years. Since then he has come clean and is wearing his clothes at work as well. He has 3 kids and lives closer to the Northern suburbs than Im comfortable, but as we say in the Kaksak offices, the only thing constant is change. It is the rate of change Im tring to manage. Please welcome Hennie on board.
Other than that, nothing to report, this is Australia and its time for another party. Believe it or snot. Think I might go as the Easter bunny….
So I went to see the Sean Roach tour this week. The show with the promise of millions to be made on the Internet. Thanks to Sean I now know that all you Kaksak readers have been free loading too long, time I monetised this site and youse all paid for my fine humour and jokes. Anyway, I must admit I was skeptical but Sean is a good showman and I think there was a lot of value in the talk. Well done. There is no such thing as a free lunch however and there are Internet packages on sale, not cheap I might add. Also quite interesting to see an older demographic present, ready to invest.
Also got me thinking about how the Internet is continually growing and really anybody can publish these days. It is just whether as Sean Roach puts it, you can get off your duff and do it. I think duff = ass. If you had no Internet knowledge this may be a good way to fast track some knowledge if you can afford it, but if you have the basics and have been on the web before, probably not for you. Some SEO limitations as well, and you are responsible for getting the traffic. Sean talks about search engines a lot but does not seem to see them as a relevant traffic driver. Maybe in the too hard basket?
So Sean, this one is for you. If you are as passionate abut the Internet as Sean is and the Kaksak crew are, the below picture is for you. Surfing the web, anywhere, anytime. Actually this is how we work at the Kaksak offices. Anyone want a job?
Good on you Sean Roach for coming to Australia and sharing your internet knowledge and passion. We hope you enjoyed your stay. Did you visit Bondi while you were here, I noticed you were here in summer weather. Please post pics on seanroach.com, obviously not of yourself. Hope all the folk you signed up are successful and achieve their online goals.