Tag Archives: marketing

SMX Sydney 2013 – Revenge of the Search Nerds

Yes its that time of the year and in stead of doing a post SMX review, we thought we would get in Barry’s face and do a pre Sydney SMX review.BTW the conference is the 3-4th April and at the very fancy Hilton Hotel in Sydney, Australia.

If you recognise me you are a nerd
Matt Cutts

The search nerds are excited and no doubt preparing. To ensure you are ready for SMX 2013, here are our tips for those of you attending:

  • Do not go outside, it may even be too late. Any sign of a tan = no credibility
  • Dig out the oldest and worst fitting jeans you have and do not under any circumstances iron them
  • Get your old hiking boots out, scuff them
  • Find an old conference t shirt, preferably US based and from pre 2010, for real street cred
  • Stop doing you hair as of today and make sure you have some facial heair. Girls you can try this as well
  • Fire up Twitter, Google + and make sure you have some boring, inane quotes related to search
  • Start telling everyone you are going to “live blog” SMX
  • Find an Apple anything. Do not go with a Microsoft anything. Samsung OK.
  • Practice your snorting loud laugh repeatedly for he tea breaks and laughing at fellow nerd jokes

The whose who of the SEO zoo and more are going to be there. Some of the larger and more trendy Ad agencies have finally figured out what SEO is so if you see well dressed, overly cool people there, these folk are probably from these agencies and don’t talk to them, they are expensive and probably won’t be there in 3 months from now.

Highlights to look out for…

  • Rand Fishkin – Debonair, funny, cool and the boss of SEOmoz. Hang with Rand, he is friendly and hopes you will sign up to SEOmoz. Girls don’t wear American undies around Rand, you know what they say, 1 yank and they’re off.
  • Marty Weintraub – Energetic, the Kaksak gets tired just watching him, but he is awesome. Taught me all I know, but he will deny that ofcourse!
  • Dejan Petrovic and his Ukrainian band, up from Brisbane. Lots of interesting testing going on, just don’t f#$k with them!
  • Jeremy Bolt – Does this dude ever smile? Bruce Clay, the suits and a formal bunch in the SEO world. Im scared of them, they know too much! Hang on, where is Bruce?
  • Chris Dimmock – One of the originals and refusing to let go
  • Monte Huebsch – Funny man, attend one of his sessions to see why. Entertaining and usually good take aways, but don’t expect fancy slides!
  • Barry Smyth – Hang on isn’t he the organiser? Multi tasking?
  • Mike Motherwell – WTF? He is not on the speakers list? If Mike is not there, I’m?not going even if I have a free ticket! Can someone start a petition about this?
  • Brian White – From Google. We love you Brian. We don’t spam here, but we love you! Remember than when you see the Kaksak whizz by on that spam report!
  • Others from Distilled, Mindshare, SEO Gadget, Clever Clicks etc. These will be the well dressed people!

Where are all the other SEO agencies from large agencies? Reprise, Outrider, First, eWeb, Razorfish, DGM, First Click and more. No sign. Are they still doing SEO. I thought this was a search conference? Barry WTF is going n here. Did you not call these people?

5 things I want to learn at SMX in 2013:

  1. Is Mike Motherwell dating?
  2. Is SEO dead? If so can I get my money back? Who the hell is sending me all my traffic then?
  3. Is Barry actually in charge or just a mambot?
  4. Can the Google webspam team be “influenced”. If we did a blogpost reviewing Google for them would they overlook certain things in return?
  5. Should I optimise the Kaksak for Yahoo, now that super babe Marissa is in charge? Can I do this at home?

Enjoy SMX, the Kaksak is excited and looking forward to it? In the mean time, Happy Easter!


Gripple update

Aha, so the bliksems have now updated the gripples webpage and even recognised the great brain of the kaksak as some of the official uses. Updated gripple website can be checked out, But don’t get your hopes up. Our hopes are up because we think we can have fun with an ad agency and a big company when the whole campaign is launched, and not only that get some more ads so we can buy more beer.

Wonder if they will market this on TV. Watch this space we might yet be famous. Yebo Gogo, finally, and all for the humble gripple. Indeed.

Find more South African jokes here.

Dr Juma can fix anything

Options list for Dr Jume - WithcdoctorMake life easy for yourself. visit Dr Juma the local Sangoma or witchdoctor, he can fix anything. Apparently no relation to Jakob, who has trouble fixing most things. We have decided to take the following:

  • To make mens pennis strong
  • Madness
  • Court casses
  • Casino specialist

If you don’t here from us for awhile you know Dr Juma won us lots of money and we are using our strong pennisses to the max.

More South African Humour here.